The June log
My little journal-like posts have become such a habit it would feel weird to end the month without one of those.
As usual I haven't been up to much. This month has been pretty scarce of work so I'm doing a lot of Nothing, which is good sometimes, but I do need work obviously. I did enough where I'm not feeling desperate about it, but then comes the old insecurity feeling that's part of the course when you freelance. I swear, it was not my intention to delve into that again, this stuff is just always on my mind. I'm doing okay, I promise.
Well, the point is, I'm playing a lot of videogames since I don't have many obligations lately. I started Metaphor Re:Fantazio, which is such a pleasant dungeon-crawling-and-hanging-out game, I got more into it than expected. It's my first experience with the modern Hashino games that use the calendar system, and I'm having a fun time with what seems like the best version of it. (Granted, the focus seems to be more on dungeon crawling than time management, there aren't that many events to do outside of dungeons. I prefer it like that.) The character designs are really crazy and that helps me to endear myself to those characters and world as well. Turns out mixing contemporary fashion with high fantasy works wonders, huh? There's also a Story with Themes going on but I'm not necessarily playing for that, I'm sorry. Can't say I'm very engrossed by the whole plot but I'm willing to wait to see if it'll sway me eventually. It's a bit "I've seen this before" and that applies to the "social links" sometimes. It's so good to hit an elemental weakness though, there's just no better feeling.
An addendum to my last post: I watched Saint Seiya Heaven Chapter Overture, the movie that was supposed to kick off a trilogy that would end Saint Seiya. It was a flop and (supposedly) Kurumada didn't like it, and so he's been doing it himself for some 20 years now. But the movie is unbelievably good, maybe the best Saint Seiya thing out there. Goes all in on the melancholy, full of contemplations about humankind and its relationship to the gods, which is a lot and not something I'd expect out of this series! The art direction is Adolescence Apocalypse levels of "this architeture could sustain an entire movie by itself." Even with its musings and meditations, I don't know how "deep" a movie it is (does it matter?), but it sure leaves an impact. I'm adding Icaros to my list of Saint Seiya guys to rotate in my brain, he is so good.
And then, well, I've had some good things happen this month. Since before I began transitioning I'd wanted to meet more people, and then especially so after transitioning. So I decided to give dating apps a chance, whether to find friends or whatever else. Honestly, I think they all mostly suck and I don't like using them, but through one of those I did meet a trans girl that leaves nearby. We went out to have a coffee and had a nice time talking videogames and transition, it was fun. I am embarrasingly happy to have made a friend, yeah!!! I'm kinda lonely so it means so much to me, really. Need to force myself to keep in touch because I can be bad at it if I allow that, but I think it should work out.
Speaking of transition, things have been going well. Going slowly as always, getting some new clothes to figure out a style I like, getting dressed up sometimes… It's good. I started doing laser removal for my beard, cause it's way thicker than I'd like and trying to get rid of it is such a hassle. There's always shadow after I shave and that's the end of me.
And, well, I've also started wondering if maybe I don't fall more into non-binary than trans woman, but I know I'll figure that out in time, I'm sure. I'll be doing what I feel like for now. Accepting that, yeah, I am gender-something was already a huge step to me, but I'm finding out now that it's impossible to figure out your feelings right away. Whatever the case, I know I indentify more strongly with being Girl than with being Guy, so the specifics I'll see some other time. I'm happy for now.